A little over a year ago on April 10, 2016. I made a commitment to a man who would become an important part of my life. A year ago, I said yes when asked, "will you be my girlfriend." To most people that doesn't mean much, but I take that fairly seriously. I said yes to laughing and growing with this man. I said yes to caring for him and later learning to love him. I learned a lot in the next 6 months that would follow. I learned to trust him and ask him for help (which if anyone knows me, knows that I never like to ask for help). I learned how to respect him and care for him. I learned to put his needs above my own. I ultimately learned to love. Every day that passed, I learned more and more. I learned more about myself and about him and about what it means to love. He made a promise to me and I made a promise to him that went far beyond the bounds of a normal relationship. We were ready to be married to each other in the fall of this year. I would be engaged around this time. Those are the promises we made to each other. I wore a promise ring that he had given me and I thought we would be together forever and the day after that.
I ended up moving away to Virginia and we broke up by the end of October. At the end of all of this I was lied to, I was called names, I was yelled at, and ultimately I was completely torn down. I learned so much in the relationship but I am learning so much more after it. I am learning how to love myself and trust others again. I am learning that the words that someone else speaks over you, do not define who you are. For every negative word that someone speaks over you, you have to spend twice as long speaking positive words over yourself, You are not the words someone else speaks over you. The hard part is believing that and learning to love yourself again after someone you loved tears you down. That's one of the hardest parts about love. You give your heart into the hands of someone else who may not always have your heart's best interest in mind. It took me three months to move on and I can honestly say I still hurt sometimes. I am still learning. I am still healing. But I guess that's how you know you really loved. And I know I can love again. It starts with loving myself and taking the time to bring people into my life who I can trust, who want the best for me.
He is currently married and starting a brand new chapter in his life. And me? Well, I've decided to keep learning, growing, and healing. I've decided it's time to do things that make me happy. It's time to live my life for myself and stop letting other people speak over my life. It's time to stop letting the words that people speak over me, define me. You are not who other's say you are. You are who you say you are. So be beautiful, happy, loving, caring, joyful. Be spontaneous and adventurous. Be a friend, be a hard worker, but most importantly? Be yourself!
