Dealing with Disappointments

I started my season out strong this year. It took me a while to adjust but I found my love of ballet again. I had been hurt by directors so many times in the past and I was excited to have a fresh start- a clean slate. I got stronger and stronger and happier and happier. About a month into the season I started experiencing pain in my ankle and foot. As a dancer, I ignored it for a while until it became too painful to dance and even work. I went in to see a local doctor who works with the dancers. I was half expecting stress fracture or something of the sort. She looked at my x-rays and I realized the evil monster lurking in my closet had reared its ugly head again. She asked me if anyone had ever told me I had an extra bone in the back of my ankle. I said yes and immediately felt my heart sink. We talked for a while and the conversation ended up at the fact that my problems will only get worse from here if I want to keep doing ballet professionally. This little bone is called an Os Trigonum and it has plagued me for my entire dance life. I got an MRI done and went to see a surgeon who has worked with many dancers before. He confirmed my worst fear... anything else I try to do will only delay the inevitable. If I want to keep dancing on pointe, I have to get it taken out. My surgery is scheduled for December 8th at 9am. The doctor is going to make an incision and take the little bone out.

In less than an hour, the company I dance for will be performing The Nutcracker. I absolutely love this ballet. Every year it brings children and families together to experience the job and magic of this beloved Christmas favorite. Every time I perform the snow scene I can't help but smile as the snow falls perfectly to the stage and the dancers create an elegant scene. I know how it feels from both sides and it is pure magic and joy. The looks on children's faces make all the hours of rehearsals worth it. I have been doing ballet for 8 years now and every year I have performed in The Nutcracker. I would never want to trade it for anything else in the entire world.

This year I am unable to perform. It honestly did not really hit me until today- opening night. I'm seeing all the excited pictures and posts and the disappointment flooded over me. I just watched the video from dress rehearsal and I was overwhelmed. But maybe that's a good thing because I can't feel the pain in my ankle when all I feel is the pain in my heart.

There are always going to be disappointments in life. I'm choosing to not let this one win. I'm choosing to stay positive and to choose to come back even stronger. I'm choosing to have hope that next year I will be dancing again. Next year, I will be in the Nutcracker. No matter what. The measure of winning or losing is not about how many disappointments overtake us. The measure is in how we deal with the disappointments that come our way.