What 30 Days Without Makeup Taught Me

In my last post, I mentioned that I went to Colorado with a group from my college. One of the things that really stuck with me after the trip is that I don't want to have to hide. For years, I hid behind ballet, theater, makeup, horses, or anything that I could. I didn't want people to see the real me, so I hid. I decided after the retreat that I would challenge myself to go 30 days without makeup as a reminder to myself that I don't need to hide behind anything. I don't know if any other girls can relate to me, but I HATED myself without makeup. I hated my red blotchy skin and my blonde eyelashes. I thought I looked ugly and gross without makeup, so I wore it everywhere I went. On the retreat, I realized that this is one of the things I hide behind. I needed makeup to make me feel like I was beautiful. I thought that girls wouldn't accept me and guys wouldn't like me. I needed makeup to make me feel like I belonged, I needed it to make me feel my age, and I needed it because I didn't want people to see how I really looked. I never grew up as one of those girls that had a complete makeup set by the time that they were 12. But over time, I grew to use it as a crutch. It hindered my ability to really be myself, because I felt like I had to have everything figured out when I put on makeup. I was trying to give this persona that I had everything together when I really didn't. So, because of all that, I decided to go 30 days without it. That was 30 days ago.

At first, it was extremely difficult. I would be so tempted to just put on a little bit of mascara or powder just to make myself feel better. I would look in the mirror and absolutely hated what I would see. I felt ugly and out of place around girls who were all dolled up. About half way through, I realized that I can be comfortable without it, and started to enjoy not having to take the time to put it on and take it off every day. But it wasn't until the very end that I realized I loved this challenge. It helped me see myself in a way that I haven't been able to before. I saw that the beauty that makeup brings is only superficial. It isn't real. What's real is on the inside and if people can't see that, then they don't deserve to be in your life. I learned that makeup doesn't make me happy. I learned that makeup doesn't complete me and it doesn't satisfy me. I learned that makeup doesn't define me. I learned that beauty by today's standards is only skin deep and I would hate for that standard to define me. I am defined by so much more than what's on the outside. When people get to know me, I want them to see my passions and my dreams, not just a well put together face. I learned that I shouldn't wear makeup to impress guys. If I want a guy to love me for me, then it shouldn't matter what I look like on the outside. He should want to get to know me, what I love, what I hate, and everything in between. I will be definitely doing this again and I highly recommend it to anyone that may relate to this in any way.